An Inconvenient Truth

Posted on June 30, 2007 
Filed Under Movies

I just saw Al Gore’s movie An Inconvenient Truth. Yeah I know its been around awhile, but hey that’s what Netflix is all about right? Some pretty thought provoking stuff, and even if you think Al Gore is blander than stale salt free pretzels, you need to see it. Someday one of your children, or grandchildren is going to ask you something like: “What the heck were you selfish @#$%^s thinking?” Consider yourself warned, and start working on your answer now.

Ok, that’s the public service portion of this post taken care of. But this is a website devoted to fiction. So I’ve decided to write about this movie as if it were a B grade science fiction film. And yes I know that President Bush already thinks it is, but to be fair he’s at best a Texas oil man so let’s take that opinion with a little grain of salt.

So here’s the plot: It starts with a pretty standard “pre-apocalyptic” wedgie. The scientists are all screaming like crazy waving their arms and shoving graphs in peoples faces. The gist being “holy crap!! There’s more C02 in the atmosphere than there’s been in over 650,000 years and the planets heating up like a wad of gum on a hot steel bumper. Things are already getting sticky and if we don’t do something soon not even Bruce Willis will be able to save our a**.” Meanwhile the politicians are all like: “Yeah yeah yeah, but how does this help my chances of getting re-elected. And lets just take out that last paragraph from the report so it doesn’t upset our friends in the oil industry. And what do the opinion polls show on this one?” After all, most politicians are old men who frankly, aren’t going to be around when the time comes to pay the piper on this one.

Then along comes a former vice president, late in life who missed being president by about two votes in one of the most questionable elections in history. This guy, maybe out of boredom, he is out of a job after all, actually starts reading some of the scientists reports. Maybe he’s played by Harrison Ford, I know he doesn’t look anything like Al Gore, but I think he’d be great for the part, and maybe more convincing too. Anyway, he starts going all over the world talking to scientists and doing lectures, showing movies and so forth. The sky really is basically falling but all the Hummer driving, coal burning, forest eating morons either don’t get it, or just couldn’t care less. All they seem to care about is getting the price of gas under 3$ a gallon and finding a more convenient Starbucks.

So here’s the fictional part:

The sneering cynical president who wears a fake glad handing affable public mask, is played by Anthony Hopkins, again more convincing. Hopkins decides that Harrison Ford is starting to become a nuisance, and maybe a threat to his administration. He puts his shadowy, and dangerously disturbed vice president, obviously played by Christopher Walken on the case. Walken trumps up charges that Harrison Ford is working with a nutty eco-terrorist group and calls in national security agencies. Your typical cross country chase ensues.

In an ironic twist the eco-terrorist group gets wind of the charges against the former vice president and reach out to help him. Turns out they aren’t really as nutty as people think, they’ve just been totally maligned by the administration and the media. But now with their backing Ford’s face starts showing up everywhere from Youtube to Facebook. Now people really are starting to take notice, and now Ford really starts to become a threat to the Hopkins’ administration. Turns out the eco group has evidence that the president rigged the election, and with the former vice presidents face on their message it starts becoming more credible.

Walken blows a cog and gets caught on video personally ordering CIA agents to take out Harrison Ford. Hopkins knows his house of cards is falling down around him, and skips town leaving Walken to take the fall. Meanwhile the excessive and unethical methods of the administration start leaking like a balloon in a storm of killer bees. Suddenly the country wakes up and says “we elected who?” Other members of the administration seeing their reign of error coming to an end also flee like burning rats from a sinking ship.

For the first time in over 200 years the country has essentially no executive branch, and an emergency election is held. Who is the front runner? A new “Green Party” of course. How does the election come out? Is the planet saved? Does the price on gas drop under $3 a gallon? Will there be a more convenient Starbucks?

You’ll have to see the sequel to learn the answers!

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